Cabaret freakout #2

So, this little project is trucking right along. Only problem is, that somehow I have put myself in charge once again, and I seem to be doing everything.

This isn't a bad thing, don't get me wrong. I like being in charge - guess it's an oldest child thing. I get all inspired and do everything at once, often I can't sleep until it's done. But I like being in charge when I know for sure that I am supposed to be in charge.

For instance, when I'm in the classroom, I know my role, I know what I am meant to do, and that everyone in the room expects me to do it. That's sweet, I can handle that.

This isn't the same though, I had this idea that I wanted to perform for people and give myself a shot at overcoming my stage fright. I asked others if they wanted to be involved, and set it up as a collaborative project. I really thought that they would have ideas and opinions about it, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

Somehow, I am the one writing the script, finding the venue, setting up the events page, getting the song rights, pestering everyone to find songs, organising rehearsals.....and then running them. I think I would be fine with this, if I had set myself up as the director from the start, but I didn't. Clearly I didn't think this through. I have a horrible feeling like I'm pissing everyone off, that they think what I've written is stupid, but they don't want to hurt my feelings by telling me. That they find me bossy, that they are angry I have more songs than they do....although to be honest, that's only because I had songs picked out from the get go, and they are still deciding three weeks later what they want to sing.

We go onstage in 5 weeks. I don't want to look like an idiot, or a tyrant, and I am getting very very nervous and apprehensive, that this grand idea of mine was stupid and overly ambitious.  I guess all I can do is practise my songs, make sure I am doing them the best that I can. I am sure everything will fall into place. We have a lot of people keen to come along, which is awesome, but I feel sick just even thinking about it!

This will be interesting to re-read when it's over....