Show Time

Saturday was the big day.

We had a full house!

We got a standing ovation!

That is crazy, as far as I'm concerned.

The Show

I woke up and instantly entered my anxious place - becoming quiet and feeling a little surreal for most of the day.  I busied myself as we waited for my parents to arrive and as our 3pm call time approached, making cards and organising the programmes and front of house paperwork. By 2pm I was quite nervous, and feeling queasy in my stomach. I knew we would have a full house, as we were already putting people onto our waiting list.

That was something I was having trouble comprehending - how many people suddenly wanted to come and see it!

3 O-Clock arrived, and we met everyone else at the theatre. They were all also nervous and freaking out and excited, which made me start to feel better. We attempted a run through
Which went terribly.
I couldn't remember a single word, lyric or line. I kept forgetting to speak. I kept forgetting what was happening.
Then I started to feel faint.

Immediately my brain switched into catastrophe mode. I hadn't eaten enough. I was too nervous to eat. I was going to ruin the show by fainting on stage. What if I ate too much and then was sick. I knew without a doubt that I was going to ruin everything!

Before I knew what was happening, it was 10 past 7, people were queuing at the door. There was no turning back now!

7:35pm

Take places side stage.

Lights to Black.

Enter Stage Left.

We were on!

Everything went smoothly. I didn't mess up the first song. The others sang amazingly. The crowd was giving a great energy, which we were reciprocating. Everyone was buzzing.

Then, four songs in, my worst fear hit out of nowhere. I was too hot, I couldn't breathe right, I couldn't leave the stage. I was feeling nauseas, faint, dizzy. I  began mentally going over options for getting off the stage. Then the 'what if's' kicked in.

"What if I faint?"

"What if I leave the stage and then pass out, and the show stops 'cos no one knows where I am?"

"What if I can't make it to the next song?"

Luckily, the next song came very quickly and I was able to recover within a few lines of singing. PHEW!

After that I was fine. I even started to have fun! The show went so well. So much better than I thought it could. I remembered all my words (well for the most part, and I successfully fudged the ones I did forget) and hit all my notes, and didn't drop any lines. WOOT!  We got some amazing feedback, and my parents were so so proud!

 "hope you are as proud of yourself as I am, of you! Wonderful show. Lovely people. Well done to all involved. This is what theatre in Christchurch should be aiming for. Nice to see a piece that was not afraid to show some raw emotion. Xxx"

"You all rocked. Totally blown away by the amazing voices. I can only hope to be at that level myself someday. Well done. (Oh, and the guy on keyboards was pretty good too!) "

"Great night out last night congrats to cast of Broadway here I come. Deserves a bigger audience. Well done Jessica and co, thoroughly enjoyed it. " 

To be honest, I don't think I have actually processed properly what it is that I achieved personally, or that we achieved as a new theatre group. Everyone is already talking about 'the next one'. All I am thinking is 'let me have this baby first!'

Personal Wins From the Show!

1) Performed solo for an audience

2) Sang with a microphone for a crowd

3) Acted out scenes that weren't sung

4) Managed a near miss panic on stage

5) Finally showed my parents what I can do!

6) said 'thanks' to all the compliments (usually I make an excuse)

7) Made my Dad proud!

8) Made me proud!

9) Achieved my new years resolution of doing more performing

9 wins is a pretty good number, don't you think?

Dress Rehearsal

Literally until the lights went down and I was waiting back stage, I felt pretty ok about this dress rehearsal. I had managed to put a lid on the seemingly enormous number of people coming to it, and was confident that everyone in the audience was friendly and kind. 

These pleasant feelings of calm and control vanished very quickly in the minutes before we went on.

I wanted to be sick. 

I was feeling too hot.

I was convinced I would forget every word, that I'd look stupid, that this whole thing was stupid, that we would look like fools.

"I can't do it. We have to stop it now!" I whispered frantically to my husband who was waiting not far down from me.

"You'll be fine. You can do it." He replied.

I 100% did not believe him.

Lights went down, we all walked on. I didn't mess up my first few lines, and I even managed to get through the first song without mucking up. Success!

Unfortunately my nerves were only mildly placated by this achievement. As the act went on, and the audience failed to laugh where they should, my anxiety started to spike again.

It was true.

This is a piece of crap theatre!

We sound awful.

They hate it.

This is lame.

We should STOP NOW!

Act 1 over. 

It took only 40 minutes for act 1, so it's a relatively short show. Our director didn't give us any feedback at the 'interval' and we were all freaking out a little. 

My nerves had settled down a bit. I had made it through the act 1 songs and only stuffed up one word! As far as I was concerned, that was a WIN!

Act 2 was slightly shorter, and had a few more tech stuff ups, and one insanely long dead patch where someone forgot their line - which they finally recovered, and we moved on. 

Successes so far?

I didn't forget my words.

I didn't throw up on stage.

I didn't have a panic attack on stage.

We got really good feedback from the audience after wards.

The director said my acting was really good (phew!).

I felt ok in the end.

Now to face Saturday....and to remind myself "I'm doing this for my Mum!"

Act 2 'bar fight' - me on right looking pissed!

3 Sleeps Till Show Time!

My plan is working.

I am stressed. And excited. And freaking out.

I have to keep calming myself down by reminding myself "I'm doing this for my mum."
That really does make me feel better. I think perhaps it's because if I focus on the fact that I only really care what my mum thinks about how it goes, then I feel a lot less scared about the fact that this is kinda all on my shoulders if it goes horribly badly.

Which it wont.

I hope.

Pre-Tech Rehearsal Photos

The 3 leading ladies (I'm far left)

Pissed off after another failed audition!

The fantastic Roz as Lucy

Karen mid song 

Saul having a thinking song moment

Pre- rehearsal briefing

The Unfairness Of It All

I guess I've always been something of a feminist.
It probably began with my very Catholic upbringing. Having to listen to weekly sermons about the sinful nature of abortions, of young mothers, of adultery and all that other 'abominable' stuff.

I refused to get confirmed when I was 11 - siting that 'I wasn't sure that I really wanted to be'.
Then horror of all horrors, I refused to keep attending church when I was 13 years old.

That did not make my father happy. (Secretly, I think my previously anglican mum was a bit proud)

I was a very stubborn girl though, and wasn't about to give in. Not when I felt it was quintessentially wrong that it took both a man and a woman to create a baby, but that the woman would be the one who was demonised by society if she weren't married, was too young, or too poor. Then I saw a couple of girls forced to leave school because of the scandal it would create.
What happened to the boys?
Nothing. They later both graduated with a full education.
.
So I stuck to my guns. After weeks of Sunday arguments which went nowhere, I finally agreed to a compromise. I didn't have to go to church. But I did have to do the dishes instead.
I think my dad might have been a bit shocked when I said yes to this arrangement.

Question:  What did I learn from this experience?
Answer:  Society views women as weak.

It's a fact. We are not physically as strong as men. We cry more often. We ask for help more often. We take 'mental health' days more often. We need more sick days because of events created by 'mother nature'.

Basically, women take better care of themselves then men do. But for doing this, we pay quite a price.

To Be Continued...