Writing

Today, I got told that I haven't written anything for ages.
Well yeah, I guess that's true. But to be honest, I feel silly writing about nothing. Nothing has happened since the show, except that I've gotten more pregnant.

I have been writing furiously on my pregnancy blog though, so feel free to check that out if you feel so inclined. But that's not the point of this blog. I started this one as an outlet for myself to connect with others and to help people understand a little more about anxiety, depression and mental health from an 'insiders' perspective.

I feel that I've had nothing happen to write about, and so I haven't written.

But I guess I'd be lying.

Soon after the show ended, I got very anxious and depressed again. I didn't go out, I didn't meet up with friends, I was super tired, incredibly unmotivated and basically went into hiding. But I didn't want to write about that. I mean, who wants to READ about that?  I don't want to be 'that girl' who moans online and goes sympathy fishing!

I found myself facing that realisation a lot of people like me come to. It's one thing to write about all the good stuff you're doing, and to inspire others to take steps to overcome their demons, and to do that yourself and be proud about it. But really, we are not telling the whole story. We reminisce about the bad periods while we are in a good zone, and talk about how well we are doing now. I was happy to talk about how bad things 'had' been, and about all the things I was proudly doing to make an effort to live the life I really wanted to be living. But the moment things got hard, I stopped talking about it. I felt ashamed, I felt 'stupid' and felt like I'd failed again.

I guess it's a double edged sword.
On the one hand, I want people to know, to understand and to stop stigmatising.
On the other, when things actually get tough and I actually have to 'deal' with the issues I'm blogging about, I actually don't want to share it anymore.

Hmmm, I'm going to have to think about this one.