These pleasant feelings of calm and control vanished very quickly in the minutes before we went on.
I wanted to be sick.
I was feeling too hot.
I was convinced I would forget every word, that I'd look stupid, that this whole thing was stupid, that we would look like fools.
"I can't do it. We have to stop it now!" I whispered frantically to my husband who was waiting not far down from me.
"You'll be fine. You can do it." He replied.
I 100% did not believe him.
Lights went down, we all walked on. I didn't mess up my first few lines, and I even managed to get through the first song without mucking up. Success!
Unfortunately my nerves were only mildly placated by this achievement. As the act went on, and the audience failed to laugh where they should, my anxiety started to spike again.
It was true.
This is a piece of crap theatre!
We sound awful.
They hate it.
This is lame.
We should STOP NOW!
Act 1 over.
It took only 40 minutes for act 1, so it's a relatively short show. Our director didn't give us any feedback at the 'interval' and we were all freaking out a little.
My nerves had settled down a bit. I had made it through the act 1 songs and only stuffed up one word! As far as I was concerned, that was a WIN!
Act 2 was slightly shorter, and had a few more tech stuff ups, and one insanely long dead patch where someone forgot their line - which they finally recovered, and we moved on.
Successes so far?
I didn't forget my words.
I didn't throw up on stage.
I didn't have a panic attack on stage.
We got really good feedback from the audience after wards.
The director said my acting was really good (phew!).
I felt ok in the end.
Now to face Saturday....and to remind myself "I'm doing this for my Mum!"
 |
| Act 2 'bar fight' - me on right looking pissed! |
No comments:
Post a Comment